Is it Polite to Ask Guests Not to Smoke?

Question: Is it Polite to Ask Guests Not to Smoke?

A reader asks: "All of the dinner party etiquette books I can find at our local library were published prior to the 1970s. Is it still considered a must to provide smokers with an ash tray even if the hostess doesn't smoke? Is it polite these days to ask guests to not smoke?"

Answer: Dear Reader: That's the funny thing about etiquette - the rules change as our society changes. You're picking up on an issue that is most likely on many host's minds, as fewer and fewer of us smoke. I checked in some of my more recent etiquette books, and I don't see any rules on the subject. Therefore, I'll take a stab at the answer myself.

It seems to me that as laws continue to be passed forbidding smoking in restaurants, bars, and other public places, the general tide has turned against smoking. If we can legislate against this dangerous habit, I see no reason why it would be considered impolite to enforce the same standards in your home. Personally, I find it impolite for someone to ask to smoke in a non-smoker's home. The smoker is polluting the air for the residents, smelling up the furnishings, creating an ugly byproduct, and subjecting everyone to a health risk.

Now, knowing that you're a hostess who aims to please, I can understand your hesitance in asking a smoker to step outside. You could soften the request by mentioning something about a family member with allergies (it's true that you're allergic to bad smells, pollution and health risks, aren't you?). As far as the ashtray is concerned, I'd place it outside the doorway you'd like the smoker to cross while engaging in their unsafe and unsavory habit.