"I am planning my retirement party after 25 years at one company. I do not want my guests to buy me gifts because, in the past, I didn't like some of the gifts I received. How can I word the invitation so that my guests will not buy me a gift that reflects their taste instead of mine? According to proper etiquette can I suggest a gift card from a particular store that I like, or would that be tacky? Any suggestions would be appreciated."
Dear Reader:
The short answer to your question is that, you're correct, that would be tacky. But you're not alone in thinking that it might be acceptable to make specific gift requests on an invitation. I often receive questions similar to yours. So let's cover the classic rules for all of these situations once and for all.
When you send an invitation, it's tacky to make a specific gift request. Whether you want to put down a preferred store, ask for gift cards only, or request money for a "money tree" for yourself, none of these are acceptable. You may put down "no gifts please" (but not on wedding invitations). If someone asks you directly what you'd like, then you can be more specific about your tastes.
If you are hosting an anniversary party for an older couple (married 25 years or more), and you know they really don't want anything, you may request "no gifts". You are also permitted in this circumstance, in a separately enclosed note, to mention a specific charity for donations in lieu of a gift, or mention a group gift that is planned (including a money tree) if someone would like to contribute to it at their own discretion.
By the way, if you're a guest at some point and receive an invitation with "no gifts" written on it, you should abide by this request so that you don't make other guests feel uncomfortable for respecting this wish. And if someone truly feels compelled to give a gift to the couple, it should be done privately.
So if you decide that you would like gifts, and don't want to state "no gifts please" on your invitation, you'll need to be gracious while accepting whatever you receive, send a proper thank you note, and then after that it's up to you to decide what to do with those that don't match your taste. You can try to return them to the store, or re-gift them in the future, as long as you're passing it on to someone who isn't friendly with the original giver.
