More of this Feature • Part 2: Gift Pitfalls • Part 3: Review of the Book- "You Shouldn't Have"

Join the Discussion "A co-worker has invited... us to an afternoon Christmas party...is a hostess gift appropriate?" MAARMEE

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Gift buying can be a treacherous activity. Make the wrong choices and you risk sending an unintended message to the recipient. Or, in an overzealous effort to tell someone just how much she is appreciated, you spend way over your budget and literally end up paying for your mistake for months. At least, that's how I have always felt about the challenge of choosing just the right gift.

Luckily, for some people choosing the right gift is as easy as breathing. Gift-giving expert Leah Ingram loves purchasing gifts so much that she authored a book on the subject titled "You Shouldn't Have!" She was willing to answer some tough gift-buying questions that my friends and I have wrestled with over the years.

Entertaining Guide: What do you do when someone gives you a gift and you're not prepared with a reciprocal gift?

Leah Ingram: I don't believe that giving gifts always has to be a quid pro quo arrangement. If someone gives you a gift and you don't have anything in return, thank the person for his generosity verbally when you receive the gift and then write a thank you note soon thereafter.

Entertaining Guide: I know you recommend in your book that people build up a "closet" of gifts. But for someone who isn't that organized and needs to run out at the last minute, what would be the least expensive hostess gift that delivers the biggest bang?

Leah Ingram: I think that if you have a well known and respected bakery in your town, buy a fabulous dessert from that shop. Or if there's a terrific confectionery nearby, get a dozen truffles and bring them with you. As far as I'm concerned, you can't go wrong with sweets--even though bought them at the last minute.

Entertaining Guide: If someone is invited to a holiday open-house party, what budget should they set for the hostess gift? I know the old saying is "it's the thought that counts," but we all know those people who keep a tally.

Leah Ingram: I don't believe in "gifting-up"--a phrase I've coined to describe the trap we sometimes allow ourselves to fall into where we buy based on the recipient's expectations as opposed to our well-meaning intentions. I don't believe anyone should ever match a gift to the recipient's household income or, as I said, her expectations. Give what feels comfortable and what you think she will enjoy. For example, we recently visited Colonial Williamsburg where the gift shops sold insulated pot pads (think cloth trivets) filled with cloves and spices. When they heat up from the pot, they give off a terrific scent. I fell in love with this item and bought a shopping bag full for holiday and hostess gifts. They cost $14 apiece, but that's not what matters to me. They're a unique item that I think people will enjoy. Who cares what I paid for them!

Entertaining Guide: What is the biggest gift-giving mistake people make?

Leah Ingram: Trying to reinvent the wheel with each gift they give. Did you know that the average American gives 47 gifts each year? That's why I don't think people should drive themselves crazy trying to come up with unique gifts each time they must buy one. You can give what has worked in the past, such as a gift certificate to a favorite store, or slight variations on a theme. For example, my mother is a big bird watcher, so every time I give her a gift, it usually revolves around her bird-watching hobby. One year I gave her a squirrel-proof bird feeder. Another year, I gave her an Audubon Society book on birds. If you think about a person's hobbies or what he likes to do in his free time, usually you can come up with gifts related to that hobby that you can feel sure will be loved and appreciated.

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