Nancy Ashe, About's Guide to Adoption had several suggestions for the party planner. "Whoever is doing the planning should not plan a surprise on the coming home or 'gotcha' day (as some parents call it). The emotion involved, and the adjustment, can be so overwhelming, that these things should be planned with everyone's knowledge and sensitivity. Because most adopting parents have waited for so long, they often want some time alone. Initially, care package drop offs are a good idea, with a celebration to follow later. Friends and family should - above all - NOT be hurt if they aren't told of where everything stands at every minute - or if they don't learn that the adoption has occurred until well after the event. Also many adopting parents don't want anything planned before hand. Some purposely do not shop, afraid they'll be tempting fate."
If you are hosting a party to celebrate the arrival of an adopted child, here are several things you might want to incorporate into your plan.
- Organize a Welcome Book for the child. Ask your guests to bring pictures of themselves to form the basis of a scrapbook page they'll create out of materials you supply. They can write notes, poems, or letters expressing their joy at the child's arrival. For advice on setting up a scrapbook, visit Rebecca Ludens, About Guide to Scrapbooking.
- Assign a photographer or someone to videotape the event.
- Design a program to give to guests that might include commitments to the child from his new parents, poems, or prayers for the future.
- Include recipes and decorations that reflect elements from the origin of both the birth and adoptive families.
- If the adoption is international, display materials that help guests understand the child's country of origin.
- Think about ways that candles can be symbolically incorporated into the ceremony.
- Create a memento of the day for guests to take home and to be saved for the child to cherish in the future.
"We decided not to tell anyone until she had signed. We couldn’t let ourselves believe this was really happening. We didn’t sleep at all that night. I went to work early the next day, since I wasn’t sleeping anyway. At noon, I got the call that the papers were signed. I called Bill and told him and then called my mom at work. When she got on the phone I said, "Mom, I am going to be a mommy this Saturday!" - Cynthia, Mom of two boys in open adoptions.
