Shouldn't Thank You Notes Be Sent in the Mail?
Thursday September 4, 2008
Sometimes I receive questions from readers that bring into focus the changeable nature of etiquette rules. Procedures that were once a given, gradually shift along with our lifestyles. Take this letter I received from a reader:
"I send my hand written notes through the mail even if I am sending it to someone that I might see soon. I have a co-worker who has written thank you notes recently since she was just married. She placed these notes in my work mail slot and to be honest, I felt disheartened by the fact that she didn't feel they needed to be mailed. I put a considerable amount of time, money and thought into hosting a wedding shower and giving her gifts over the past 6 months. While I was glad that she wrote a note, I thought such a thing should be mailed. Do you feel that thank you notes should be mailed or am I just being picky?"
You can read my response to this question, but first I'd like to know what you think. Do you feel that it's still proper form to mail your thank you notes, or is any way acceptable to send one, as long as the thanks are expressed? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
"I send my hand written notes through the mail even if I am sending it to someone that I might see soon. I have a co-worker who has written thank you notes recently since she was just married. She placed these notes in my work mail slot and to be honest, I felt disheartened by the fact that she didn't feel they needed to be mailed. I put a considerable amount of time, money and thought into hosting a wedding shower and giving her gifts over the past 6 months. While I was glad that she wrote a note, I thought such a thing should be mailed. Do you feel that thank you notes should be mailed or am I just being picky?"
You can read my response to this question, but first I'd like to know what you think. Do you feel that it's still proper form to mail your thank you notes, or is any way acceptable to send one, as long as the thanks are expressed? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Comments
She recieved the Thank you note, right? What’s next? She wants overnight mail instead priority mail or fisrt class mail when will it end.
Kind of like a gift itself, it’s the thought that counts.
She took the time to write a note. That’s what counts, not how it’s delivered.
Sugar has apparently never sent or received a thank you note based on her idiotic statement. Cheryl, your advice is considerate and polite. If only all people would be as polite when they post comments on these things. How bold we become when we are not face-to-face.
It’s interesting to see how emotional people become regarding etiquette issues. Susan is as offended by Sugar, as Sugar was by the question in the post. Which only serves to make the point that when it comes to etiquette, we need to consider how others perceive and feel about our words and actions, and let that guide our behavior in the absence of specific rules.
I feel a thank you should be handwritten, not emailed, especially if it is a big gesture or gift. I think email should NOT replace a handwritten thank you. Email is a tacky way to do it.